20 days

20 days.nothing special,sleep 12 hours a day,2 meals,and recited 20 words.it looks all right and i feel much loose.maybe i will never have such long holidys..
Sometimes i felt it`s huge waste,such long time i just sleep and reading .but parhaps i really need that.listening muise,memory some sick words,struggle with the cold,they are what i did in thelast 20 days..
Tedious but relaxing,and just one thing is different.i felt i done will in the adjustment of my role.maybe it`s just simply back to before.but some unexpected things just bring me back to jumble.i dont know why i go back and thinking that silly minds.i try to shy away and i thought i almost did that.something i just feel sick of it,and try estronge from someone just for loose myself.what am i looking for ? i cant exactly express..
Without something important for me, i find no sence for life.i dont believe destiny but fact always move my mind. it`s tough,not just for me,but i hope my emotion is just mercy.doing thing without expectation should be a nice route for me..